Right now

That pain I feel in my heart at least reminds me that I still have one. Its when I feel nothing in my heart that I know I have truly lost.

He looks at his cell phone and searches the numbers for something he knows is not there. Passes through old names and forgotten possibilities. They reinforce the emptiness he feels deep inside. Many of the listed names and numbers were once labels of hope. Many offered an unspoken word that dissolved shortly there after. He scrolls down the list and with witness to each disassociated contact he feels his stomach sink. Cant bring himself to delete them for they represent a slight hope that they may eventually call. Finally he comes across some familiar numbers not like those others. Numbers of those who enrich his life but cannot offer completion to his desires. Numbers of family and friends; as thankful as he may be, they do not gratify him. So there he sits, alone, quiet, uneasy and anxious.

I'm not sure why you pushed me away. I tried to talk to you, to learn the things that make you tick. I wanted to be your friend. I wanted to be the one who holds your hand and makes you smile. You put up a wall, shielded yourself and went on the offensive. I became frustrated by how you played me out, under appreciated my sincerity and made me feel unworthy of your attention. All I can say now is good luck to you in the future! If you treat people that way, you will be lonely for a very long time. I know it wasn't my fault (yeah I know I'm a really nice guy). I know I can have long conversations and its the person on the other end that listens and is listened too that makes the difference. I will never engage myself in such a one sided relationship ever again. You are such a hypocrite to think you are above it all. You think you are so smart, that you're so much better than everyone else; you are not that special! What you don't realize is that you are the cause of all that ails you! Let the wind stiffen your sails and all that other BS. You write empty hollow words and you speak nonsense. Yeah my blogs are just momentary snapshots of emotion so you shouldn't read into them too much. YOU probably even think this blog is about YOU (are you getting the fact I think you are self centered by using caps)! I'm not even sure why you are reading this. And if you are, I'm sure it has pissed you off. Good! Ask yourself why you are still reading my blogs and ask yourself why this one stirs up what you are feeling right now!

Lets see what you have to say! TALK TO ME <---- remember that?

LAME

As the sun rises in the east, the tall trees that block its warmth cast long shadows across rocky soil. A ballet of light and shadow dance upon the ground as the breeze teases leaf laden limbs. The sound of the leaves rustling are like that of a babbling brook. Its early dawn but already I can feel the warmth of the gravel under my sandals. The scent of fresh jasmine delicately fills the air. Its in these subtle moments that I think of you, that I daydream of sharing my heart, my dreams, my passion.

I felt comfortable as I held you in my arms last night. We talked for hours and exchanged moments of openness, of our vulnerabilities. Time seemed to evade us as the hours passed, unnoticed. We became entangled in in our hopes, our willingness to believe in the possibility of mutual desires and dreams. My heart raced and I felt no need to hide my feelings, to shield my emotions. Your hand pressed in mine, fingers intertwined, you felt my lips gently against your neck.

GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH!